Meeting a Former Lover

Meeting a Former Lover

The passionate longing of meeting a former lover is the crux of Part VI Chapter IV.

Vatsayana in his Kamasutra suggests that when the man lost all his wealth the courtesan should leave her in search of her former lover. But she should only return to her former lover under the condition that he must be wealthy, or he has acquired fresh wealth. He should be still attached to her, and in case the man is living with some other girl, the courtesan should consider well before she acts.

Such a man can be in one of the six following conditions:

It can happen that he might have rejected his first woman intentionally and even can happen that have left another woman since then.

He may have been driven away from both women.

He may have left the one woman of her own accord, and been driven away by the other.

He may have left the one woman of his own accord, and be living with another woman.

He may have been driven away from the one woman, and left the other of his own accord.

He may have been driven away by the one woman, and may be living with another.

Now in case the man has left both women, on account of the fickleness of his mind and his indifference to the excellence both the women can leave him.

When a man left a woman according to his own choice and then dispelled by the other, thus decided to go to the former one and give her are plenty of money, then he should be resorted to.

Or, whether when he discover many faults in that woman he would return to her and show him more love because of the excellence she is having and thus give her more money.

Lastly according to Kamasutra based on the circumstances she can resort to him after considering some points like whether he was a weak man, a man fond of enjoying many women, one who liked a poor woman, one who never did anything for his companion, etc. After wisely considering all these factors the woman should decide whether do live with this man or not.

Vatsayana in his Kamasutra suggests that when a man is dispelled by one woman and left the other one according to his own choice, the former one should first find out

Whether he still has affection for her or would spend much money upon her;

Or whether being attached with her good qualities he is not being able to forget her and thus cannot take delight in any other women;

Or whether he is sexually satisfied with the other woman and wants to come to her again,

so as to take revenge for the injury done to him;

Or whether he wants to create confidence in her mind, so that to take back from her the wealth which she formerly took from him, and finally destroy her;

Or, lastly, whether he wants to separate her from her present lover first, and then to break away their relation and thus go away.

If, after considering all these things, she becomes sure that his intentions are really pure and honest, they can be reunited. But if she realizes that his mind is tainted with evil intentions, he should be avoided.

When a man is dispelled by a woman and live with another, in such case if the man decides to return back to the former one, the courtesan should consider the following facts before deciding anything. She should do really fast because the other woman would also be trying on him:

That he was driven away unjustly and for no proper reason, and now that he has gone to another woman, every effort must be used to bring him back to myself.

That if he were once to converse to the courtesan again, he would break away from the other woman.

That the pride of her present lover would be put down by means of the former one.

That he has become wealthy, has secured a higher position, and holds a place of authority under the king.

That he is separated from his wife.

That he is now independent.

That he lives apart from his father, or brother.

That by making peace with him, she shall be able to get hold of a very rich man, who is now prevented from coming to her by her present lover.

That as his wife does not respect him, she shall now be able to separate him from her.

That if the friend of a man loves her rival, who hates her cordially, she shall therefore by this means separate the friend from his mistress.

And lastly, bringing him back to her, thus showing the fickleness of his mind can bring her discredit upon him.

In this whole process of the man coming to the courtesan, the pithamarda and other servants should take an important part by conversing with the man about the courtesan and on related topics.

Thus in this chapter the ways of bringing about a reunion with a former lover ends here. When there is a selection between the former lover or a stranger, according to Acharyas the first one is preferable as because he is known to the courtesan and so he can be easily pleased and sexually satisfied. While Vatsayana in his Kamasutra affirms that the former lover has already spent a whole lot of money on her and thus cannot spend more but the stranger can be proved as a beneficial one. However there can be difference from the general rule according to the particular nature of the man.

There are also verses in Kamasutra on the subject 'Reunion with a former lover may be desirable so as to separate some particular woman from some particular man, or some particular man from some particular woman, or to have a certain effect upon the present lover.'

'When a man is excessively attached to a woman, he is afraid of her coming into contact with other men; he does not then regard or notice her faults and he gives her much wealth through fear of her leaving him.'

'A courtesan should be agreeable to the man who is attached to her, and despise the man who does not care for her. If while she is living with one man, a messenger comes to her from some other man, she may either refuse to listen to any negotiations on his part, or appoint a fixed time for him to visit her, but she should not leave the man who may be living with her and who may be attached to her.'

'A wise woman should only renew her connection with a former lover, if she is satisfied that good fortune, gain, love, and friendship, are likely to be the result of such a reunion.'

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Meeting a former lover

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