The man can employ a mediator or go-between at the time of two following situation, when a woman shows her love or interested towards a man but afterwards just vanishes for a long time or rarely seen somewhere, or when a man meets a woman for the first time and without knowing anything about her wants to make relation with her.
The work of a mediator or go-between regarding the married woman is mainly to try to make her hate or look down on her husband by holding artful conversations with her and try to convince her in this way. She can do this by telling her about medicines for getting children, by talking to her about other people, by tales of various kinds, by stories about the wives of other men, and by praising her beauty, wisdom, generosity and good nature. She can point out that being an excellent woman in every way it is really heartrending to possess a husband like this.
Then she can try to identify the weak points of her husband that his jealousy, his roguery, his ingratitude, his aversion to enjoyments, his dullness, his meanness, and all the other faults that he may have. The mediator always stress on the special thing on which she can affect the wife most. If the wife and husband is a deer woman, and a hare man respectively, then there would be no fault in that direction, but in case the husband is a hare man, and wife is a mare woman or elephant woman, then this fault should be pointed out to her.
According to Gonikaputra, if the man and the woman are meeting for the first time and the woman is not experienced in this way, the man should send a mediator who is well acquainted with the girl and also possess a good friendship.
According to Kamasutra, this mediator should go to the woman and tell her about the love and sincerity of the man and if the process goes well she should start that the man is perfect for her and should try to give her a feel that if he doesn't get her he will die. If the mediator feels that the woman is on the track she should tell her the story about Ahalya and Indra, Shakuntala and dushyanta, etc. to supplement her stand. She should tell the woman about his strength, talent, good looks, knowledge or skill in sixty-four arts mentioned in Kamasutra. Also she talks something about his relation with some praiseworthy woman, though it can be false in some cases.
In addition to all these, the mediator cautiously monitors the changes in the behavior of the woman. If the changes are positive, the woman would address her with smiling face, and would also want to know many simple things as for example about her movement like where she is going, what she is taking for her food, remembers her on different occasions and festivals, etc. when she is somewhere in a lonely place with the mediator would always tell her stories, yawn contemplatively, draw long sighs, give her presents, or dismiss her with a wish to see her again. Thus the chapter on behavior of the woman with the go-between in Kamasutra ends here.
When the woman expresses her love in the above-described manner, the mediator should increase it by bringing some love tokens from the man. But if the woman is not acquainted with the man personally, in that case she should win her over by glorifying him and praising his good qualities. She can also do this by telling stories about his love for her. According to Auddalaka when a man and a woman are not personally acquainted with each other, and has never shown any signs of affection to each other, the employment of a go-between is useless.
The followers of Babhravya contradicts him that even though they be personally unacquainted, but have shown each other signs of affection there can be the employment of a go-between. Whereas Gonikaputra asserts that may be no signs of affection have passed between them but a go-between should be employed in case they are acquainted with each other. Lastly, Vatsyayana affirms that even though they may not be personally acquainted with each other, and may not have shown any signs of affection, still they can depend on a go-between.
Now the mediator employed should show the woman the presents given by the man to her, such as the betel nut and betel leaves, perfumes, flowers, and the rings on which she should be impressed the marks of the man's teeth, nails, and other signs. The cloth sending by him should be drawn with saffron both his hands joined together to resemble his earnest entreaty. She can also cause the woman to send affectionate presents to the man in return. And in this way when they start accepting presents or liking each other a meeting should be arranger in presence of the mediator or go-between.
Now according to the followers of Babhravya there are some specific occasions when they should meet each other. These can be mentioned as at the time of going to the temple, on occasions of fairs, garden parties, theatrical performances, marriages, sacrifices, festivals and funerals, at the time of going to the river to bathe, at times of natural calamities, or fear of robbers or hostile invasions of the country. According to kamasutra, these go-betweens or female messengers can be classified in the following kinds:
Kamasutra affirms that a mediator who senses that some part of the whole process has already done and the man has successfully worked out his part, and then takes charge and completes the rest of the business, is called a go-between who performs only a limited part of the business.
A go-between, who simply carries messages between a man and a woman, who love each other, but who cannot meet frequently, is called the bearer of a letter or message. This name is also given to one who is sent by either of the lovers to make the other one acquainted with the time and place of their meeting.
A woman who goes herself to a man, and entails him about her dream of having enjoyed sexual union with him, or privately asks him whether she or his wife is the best looking, such a person is called as a go-between for herself.
This name can also be given to a type of women who makes a deal with some other women to act as her go-between, and in the process instead of help the others gains over the man for her by means of personal acquaintances, and thus causes the other woman to fail. The same applies to a man who, acting as a go-between for another, gains over the woman for himself, and thus causes the failure of the other man.
A woman who has gained the confidence of the innocent young wife of any man by means of knowing her secrets and the husband's behavior to her, can teach her the art of love and decorates her so as to show her love. Vatsayana in his Kamasutra says that she can also instructs her how and when to be angry, or to pretend to be so, by showing marks of nails and bites to excite the husband, etc. the woman who performs these works is called the go-between of an innocent young woman. She also receives replies from the wife's husband and carries it to the concerned person.
When a wife works to gain the confidence of a woman whom her husband wants to enjoy, that wife is called a wife serving as a go-between. In this process she talks about the wisdom and ability of her husband, she also carries the information regarding the feelings of the woman for her husband.
When any man sends a girl or a female servant to any woman, and places a letter in her bouquet of flowers, in her ear ornaments, or marks something about her with his teeth or nails, that girl or female servant is called a mute go-between. The woman can also send some reply for him through the same person if required.
Kamasutra also affirms that a person, who carries a message to a woman, which has a double meaning, relates to some past transactions, or is incomprehensible to other people, is called a go-between who acts the part of the wind. She also carries the reply to the concerned person.Thus, this part of different kinds of go-betweens ends here.
Vatsayana after much research says that a female astrologer, handmaiden, beggar, or female artists are well acquainted with the business of a go-between and therefore they can easily win the confidence of the other woman.
kamasutra thus unfurls the verity that a go-between, by the craftiness or artfulness of her conversation, can unite a woman with a man even though beyond his expectation. She can also bring back a man to a woman, who for some reason was separated from her.
(Last Updated on : 20-12-2008)
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