In this chapter the life of a man and a woman is described just after their marriage. For the first day, they should sleep on the floor and abstain from sexual pleasures. They should eat their food without seasoning it. The next seven days are for bathing amidst tire sounds of auspicious musical instruments. They usually decorate themselves, dine together, and pay attention to their relations' and those came to their marriage. Irrespective of their castes all practice the same.
(Last Updated on : 19-12-2008)
Thus on the tenth day the man should make the mood and create the confidence of the girl in a lonely place with soothing words. According to some authors for the purpose of winning her over he should not speak to her for the first three days may be to make the girl comfortable. But the followers of Babhravya don't think in that way. They are of an opinion that if the man does not speak with her for three days, the girl may be disheartened and thus can feel unwanted or discarded. Vatsyayana says that the man should talk to her in a very pleasing way and begin to win her over, but should abstain from sexual practice. Woman is usually of a softhearted nature. If the man approaches her forcibly who is least acquainted to her she will act eccentrically and it will affect their married life. The man should therefore approach the girl according to her likings, and always try to present himself as a perfect man to her.
The steps that the man can follow are as follows:
He should embrace her in a tender way but should not last for a long time.
He should embrace her with the upper part of his body. If they know each other for some time or if the girl is matured, he may embrace her in a dim light. But if he is not well acquainted with her, or if she is a young girl, he should then embrace her in darkness.
When a girl has started feeling comfortable, the man gives her betel leaf and tambula. In case she doesn't take it, he should persuade her to do so by appeasing words, appeals, oaths, kneeling at her feet etc. This is because of the fact that the woman always respects a man kneeling at her feet whether or not she is angry or feeling shy. At the time of giving this tambula he should kiss her mouth softly and gracefully without making any sound. Then they can start talking, in most of the cases the man tries to make her talk in different appealing manner but sometimes fails to do so. If it happens like that the man should try in all possible manner and insist her to talk or give a reply. Ghotakamukha reflects girls character as they usually hear everything that man says but talk less.
In case they know each other the girl sits beside her and accepts the tambula, ointment and garland he has given and tries to tie them up in his upper garment. While doing so he touches her breasts and press them with the nails, on preventing him doing so he would ask her to embrace him. While she is embracing he touches all over her body and later places her in his lap. Thus he tries all possible way in a very lovable and artistic manner and tries to get her consent. But if he fails to gain her confidence he frightens her by saying that if she doesn't surrender to him he would mark some impression on her lips and breast and the same to his body. And on asking of friends he would say that she did this. Thus with a mixed feelings of fear and confidence the man achieves to grow the confidence and fulfills his needs.
After such incident, on second and third night he should feel her whole body with his hands, and kiss her all over; he should also place his hands upon her thighs and shampoo them, following to that he should shampoo the joints of her thighs. On preventing him he says not to react like this and he is not doing any harm to her. After this he should touch her private parts, should loosen her strap and the knot of her dress, and turning up her lower garment he shampoos the joints of her naked thighs. But actual congress doesn't happen then. All these actions are mainly done to ease the girl and make the relation more intense and passionate. After this he teaches her the sixty-four arts and express his real love. He also promises to be faithful to her in future, and drives out all her fears with respect to rival women. Like this way after having overcome her coyness, he should begin to enjoy her in a way so as not to frighten her. All these are used to make the girl more close to heart and thus the process begins.
There are some verses on the subject as follows:
'A man acting according to the inclinations of a girl should try to gain her over so that she may love him and place her confidence in him. A man does not succeed either by implicitly following the inclination of a girl, or by wholly opposing her, and he should therefore adopt a middle course. He who knows how to make himself beloved by women, as well as to increase their honor and create confidence in them, this man becomes an object of their love. But she despises him who neglects a girl, thinking she is too bashful, as a beast ignorant of the working of the female mind. Moreover, a girl forcibly enjoyed by one who does not understand the hearts of girls becomes nervous, uneasy, and dejected, and suddenly begins to hate the man who has taken advantage of her; and then, when her love is not understood or returned, she sinks into despondency, and becomes either a hater of mankind altogether, or, hating her own man, she has recourse to other men.'